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Golf Jokes (2) OUCH!
A husband and wife were playing golf together when the man's wife
was severely stung by a bee.
The husband ran quickly back to the clubhouse, looking for a doctor.
"Come quickly!" he said. "my wife's been stung by a bee."
"Where was she stung?" asked the doctor.
"Between the first and second holes." shouted the husband.
"Wow," replied the doctor, "she must have a very wide stance!"
From: Poddys.Com
THE SPLINT
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right
in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says "How
bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to
let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next
week."
So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat
little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an
impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and
on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched
these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's
still in the CRATE!"
From: Poddys.Com
DON'T HIT THE BALL
A husband and wife were out playing golf.
They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left.
The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and
takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in
the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golfbag
and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you
treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of
butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the
point of total nausea."
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the
wife calls out to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in
the pussy willows."
The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
From: Poddys.Com
PREGNANT GOLF
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze
class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with
informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of
the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
From: Poddys.Com
PAY TO PLAY
There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday
afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives objections, so one day
after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were
waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a
diamond necklace to get to play today!!!"
The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to
get out here today!!!"
The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy
my wife anything!!!"
They both looked at him and asked how he managed that!
The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I
looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?"
She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!"
From: Poddys.Com
THE LONE GOLFER
A foursome of golfers watch a lone player play up short of the green they are on.
As they tee off at the next hole they watch the lone player quickly chip on and putt out.
He almost runs to the tee where the foursome is.
He looks at the bewildered players and says: "I say chaps could I play through, I've just heard the wife has had a terrible accident".
From: Poddys.Com
TWO DWARVES PLAYING GOLF
Two dwarfs were on a golf vacation, and after playing 36 holes on the
first day, they hit the local bar.
After a few drinks, they decided to pick up two prostitutes and take them
back to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, was unable to get an erection. His depression
was made worse by the fact that from the next room he heard cries of "One,
two, three ... uhh!" all night long.
On the first tee the next morning, the second dwarf asked the first, "How
did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I couldn't get an
erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he cried. "I couldn't even get on the damn bed!"
From: Poddys.Com
THE WORST GOLF FOURSOME EVER
1) Monica Lewinsky
2) OJ Simpson
3) Ted Kennedy
4) Bill Clinton
WHY YOU ASK?
1) Monica Is A Hooker
2) OJ Is A Slicer
3) Ted Kennedy Can't Drive Over The Water, and
4) Bill Clinton Can't Remember Which Hole He Played Last!
From: Poddys.Com
STREAKER
There was a foursome of ladies about to play a par three, 165 yards long.
Suddenly, out from the trees beside the fairway a streaker ran across the open expanse of the fairway.
In a gasp, one lady remarked "I think I know that guy ... isn't that Dick Green?"
"No" replied another, "I think it's a reflection of the grass!"
From: Poddys.Com
Golf Humor Laugh with golf humor and golf jokes from Westchester County Golf and make your golfing day more fun. Share your golf jokes and funny golf anecdotes with fellow golfers.
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